


If I Couldn't Walk, I'd Crawl.

by Fandroki29



Category: Six of Crows Series - Leigh Bardugo
Genre: F/F, F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-24
Updated: 2019-09-22
Packaged: 2019-11-05 04:06:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 16,469
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17911691
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fandroki29/pseuds/Fandroki29
Summary: The Crows stories continue a year after the end of Crooked Kingdom. Inej has been gone for some time at sea, and Kaz finds himself oddly aching for her presence. Who knew being the baddest bastard in the barrel would become so boring? Through his boredom, he finds himself seeking danger to liven things up. Whereas Inej finds herself seeking danger in order to hopefully one day return to a steady homestead. Will either of them make it back to each other alive?





	1. Chapter 1

**K** az Brekker was drowning. He thrashed his arms to no avail. He wasn't sure how he even survived this long without going up for air. It seemed the more he kicked to propel himself upwards, the faster he sank. He let out his last mouthful of air in a spew of bubbles and began to scream with whatever energy he had left. As he screamed, his flesh began giving way until he could see the pink muscle surface. He was slipping into the darkness when he woke with a start.

  
He quickly sat up and began trying to wipe the sweat soaked hair out of his face. He was gasping for air as if he had been screaming out loud or holding his breath. Kaz silently hoped he had only been holding his breath, as he didn't want to see the looks on any of the Dregs faces if they heard him. He knew they would never dare ask him if he was okay, but it didn't wipe the look of concern off their faces when they passed him in the hall in the morning.

  
He quickly shuffled out of his sweat soaked shirt and tried to soften his breathing. He had bit his lip in his sleep and could feel the raised bump as he scraped his tongue along the bite mark. He sighed and stretched out his aching leg. Kaz lit the lamp beside his table with a match then checked the pocket watch he kept under his pillow. 3:55am. Pretty good, he thought. 4 hours of sleep was the most he’d experienced in a week let alone one night. Ketterdam didn't sleep, so Kaz supposed it was fitting that its inhabitants didn't either. He tried not to dwell on the fact that his reasons for not sleeping were much different than the reasons those inside the pleasure houses and gambling halls didn’t sleep.

  
_Jordie._

  
He visibly shook his head. Not today, not right now. He knew he should learn to talk to someone about the demons in his head. But he always feared if he started, he wouldn't be able to stop. To close the wounds that littered his mind and body. Who was he except for the Bastard of the Barrel, Dirtyhands, Boss of the Dregs? He couldn't very well take the time to fall apart, so he just never fell.  
_"The trick is not getting knocked down," he'd told her with a laugh. "No, Kaz," she'd said, "the trick is in getting back up.”_ Ridiculous, he thought. How can you get back up once your demons overpower you? Surely any podge knows that if you let your demons have a voice there's nothing you can do to shut them up.

  
_Jordie._

  
Kaz quickly shook his head again and sighed heavily. Damn Inej. Damn her for putting these damned Suli ideals into his head. She was stronger than he could ever claim to be. He needed to clear his head of her, her advice, and these nightmares. Numbers would distract him. They always did. Except he knew if he wanted to pour over the log books he would have to get down the steps, and he was in no state to begin descending the steps without a shirt and covered in dried sweat. He'd do equations in his head while he rinsed off in the baths. At least he'd have hot water to distract him.

  
**I** nej was climbing her way on deck to look out at the sweeping waves. She'd learned how to overcome seasickness months ago, but sometimes she found it still snuck up on her if she lay in bed and paid too much attention to the rush of the waves under the boat. She'd woken up moments ago from some dream about a faraway place, where her silks were the only material covering her body.

  
She was trying to remain hidden from Tante Heleen, but no matter where she hid, some customer wanted his favourite lynx. Tante Heleen would call for her, and if Inej was not quick enough to respond, she would pay for it in full. Inej hated herself for bounding towards her own doom. She never could decide what was worse, having her body bruised by the men, or Tante Heleen. She always decided the bruises from Tante Heleen were worse, considering she still craved Tante Heleen's approval. Approval that was endlessly sought but never found. Inej never thought it was truly approval she was looking for, and more a sign of humanity inside those peacock designed green eyes. She'd never found that either.

  
She didn't often ruminate about the ills of her past life anymore. The horrors she had endured had given her the drive to shut down the pleasure houses and do what she could to the owners holed up inside of them. She ensured they could never hurt another innocent person again. And sometimes that was enough to keep the horrors at bay.

  
Kaz had gifted her that ability. To take someone’s life and know it was for a better cause. It didn't stop her from praying to her saints after each kill. She knew nothing could wash the sins of the kills from her hands, but she could ask for forgiveness and hope her saints understood her purpose. One thing about Kaz that Inej had always secretly appreciated was that he didn't kill without a purpose. He had a purpose to everything that he did. It was the only reason she followed him so blindly through every mission. It was even present in the way they loved each other. Purposefully, and soulfully.  
When she thought she could never trust again, she found herself blindly trusting the deadliest man in the barrel. She was unsure what that meant about her, but she didn't really think she cared. She'd already come to terms with the fact that normal relationships weren't meant for girls like her, and she'd be horribly unsatisfied if she tried. How could any other man truly understand her, when all he'd want from her was to undress her? Inej knew Kaz wanted her as badly as she wanted him, and at times that was enough for both of them.

  
Other times they'd engage in the slightest touches, some more intimate than others. Holding hands, Kaz putting a loose lock of hair back behind her ear, straightening his tie, pulling his gloves off, putting one of her knives in its strap on her leg, waking up face-to-face and having the overwhelming desire to inch forward. It was enough for them. It had to be for now. They both had too much else to worry about to care about frivolous things. She had more important things to worry about than boys, a specific boy. He wrestled his way into her thoughts and her heart, but he would never wrestle his way between herself and her mission, and she could assume the same of Kaz and his mission. She looked out at the never-ending sea ahead of her. She counted her knives off in her head, Sankta Alina, Sankt Vladimir, Sankta Anastasia.... she closed her eyes.

  
**A** knock sounded on the door where Kaz was tending to the Crow Club books. To Kaz's irritation. He couldn’t go back to sleep after his nightmare last night, and he had no patience for anyone’s inquiries right now. He knew he shouldn’t blame his crew for his lack of sleep, but he didn’t much care for civilities on a good day, let alone a bad one. He had just told Pim to take a break so he wouldn't have to listen to his incessant voice for another 30 minutes.

  
"What?" He punched out. There was pause, and then another knock. Kaz dropped his pencil to the desk and tried to glare a hole through the door. "What?" He asked with less patience than before. Another pause, and then a gentler knock. Kaz grabbed his cane and shot up so fast his leg forced him to sit back down. He swore and hoisted himself back out of his chair, took two quick strides to the door before throwing it open and preparing to swing his cane at the intruder, just for the satisfaction of hearing their skull crack. He tightened his grip on the shaft of his cane when he realized there were two gentlemen standing in front of his doorway. "What the hell are you doing?" Kaz loosened the grip on his cane.

  
"Figured you were working too hard, wanted to check on you and see if you wanted to have lunch with us," Wylan stated. He was trying to prevent a lopsided grin from spreading over his face.  
"So your way of inviting me to lunch...is to piss me off first so I pay the restaurant staff to poison your meals?" Wylan let out a bark of a laugh. "You wouldn't waste the kruge," Jesper retorted. He was wearing one of his ridiculous lime green plaid suits and matched it with a lime green pair of shoes. Kaz looked Jesper up and down with a raised brow.

  
Kaz assumed Jesper didn’t get mugged on a daily basis because of the twin pearl revolvers resting at his hips. However, carrying a weapon wasn't a guarantee of protection around the Barrel. Kaz assumed the other part had something to do with being seen so often with the Dregs boss. Everyone knew there would be retaliation from dirtyhands himself if anyone messed with his crew. It kept his streets safe and kept him bored. Ever since Kaz had chased Pekka Rollins and Per Haskell out of town, and had Van Eck imprisoned, Kaz had become the scariest bastard on the block. He scoffed at the fact that others didn’t know he was the scariest bastard on the block before he chased all the bosses out of town. Newcomers had tried to challenge him, but they proved fruitless. Kaz didn't have time for wannabe's.

  
"Yeah, you're right. I ought to save the kruge anyway. Once they're forced to talk to you, they'll do it themselves for free." Jesper and Wylan wore twin smiles. Kaz sighed and grabbed his hat off the wall.

"It's only to get away from these lot.” Kaz gestured with his cane at the various crew members making their way through the slat. They can't do a damn thing on their own without consulting with me."

  
"So you miss us," Jesper teased. Kaz put his hat on top of his head. "Just as much as I miss the fleas that used to inhabit this place." Wylan made a face, "glad I missed those days."

  
"You didn’t miss a thing, a particularly large one escaped and is right beside you," Kaz quipped. Jesper threw up his arms, "Kaz, that's no way to talk about yourself! Where’s the overwhelming sense of self-confidence you used to posses? As well as rant and rave about for everyone within earshot." Kaz smiled despite himself.

  
**T** he wind nearly whipped her braid loose as Inej looked out at the swirling clouds. Her crew maneuvered the sails to adjust for the impending storm. They'd been preparing for the storm since they saw the clouds darkening at the beginning of their venture, but it always concerned Inej that somehow, they had forgotten something. She hadn't known her crew long, but they were a good crew and she wanted to do what she could to take care of them. Kaz had wanted to help her scout good candidates for her travels, but she declined the help. She knew people, and she knew trustworthy people. Kaz assumed because the saints were on her side she would be naive about the ills of people. But her optimism was not extended to all people. Inej was warier of people than she let on. She knew they could hide behind facades, and she knew what it was like to be good at hiding in the shadows. She had skill related questions prepared for the one's interested in being in her crew, but she wasn't really interested in their answers. She was looking at their eyes as they answered, at the answers they weren't giving. At what was driving them to be in front of her in the first place.

  
She knew Kaz could help her pick out the best sailors, the best fighters. She didn't want excellent sailors or trained killers, she wanted an excellent crew. She knew people could learn to excel at anything if they wanted; they’d only need to be driven to learn. She hadn't known she'd become a stealthy killer, but she'd done it. She needed a crew that had the same drive she did to take the slavers and menagerie owners off the streets, and into the ground if needed. She'd stop at nothing to see the job done. They were making their way to Leflin and would hopefully make it before the storm made it too difficult to travel.

  
The ship currently bordered Novyi Zem, and the sight of all the multicoloured leaves made her want to stop short of her mission to spend some time enjoying nature. She missed land. She was beginning to realize she missed a lot of things. Growing up in a caravan that never remained in one place for long made it easier to never become accustomed to the same scenery. To never tire of adventure. Though her years in the slat, spending her days running the roofs and leaping across balconies, made her accustomed to knowing one place better than you knew yourself. She knew her ship, but the waters were hard to know, and its depths were endless. She would be glad to make it to the Wandering Isles and to be on land.

  
They’d gotten word of a mass amount of sales out of Leflin to the various menagerie owners. She hoped they could attack before the next shipment of people went out, and she could prevent anyone from ever having to go through the initial exam. Inej knew she never felt the same about her body, her naked skin, ever since she was poked and prodded by Tante Heleen while her captor looked on. It was her first loss of innocence, among thousands of other cases. No one deserved to lose their innocence without their consent. She’d make sure of it.

  
Hilde looked over her shoulder at Inej as she adjusted the jib one final time. "You eat today, Inej?" Inej was startled out of her thoughts. Inej was fond of Hilde. Hilde hadn't shared her full story with Inej regarding what brought her on board in the first place, but her eyes had shone with determination when she answered Inej's initial questions. She provided answers with confidence. She didn’t seem like the hesitating type. Occasionally, she showed a bright smile as she answered a question, and her luscious cheeks accentuated her plump face.

  
Inej missed Nina in that moment. She had recently sent a letter to her friend, but due to never staying in one place at a time, Inej didn't really have a return address. Some days she ached to hear Nina's off-key tune in the morning, as Nina made her way around the various hiding places they'd stayed at during the year of adventure through the ice court. In ways, Nina's singing didn't need to be beautiful to influence Inej. Knowing that her best friend was happy enough to sing was enough to bring a smile to Inej's face.

  
"I ate earlier, but I could go for another bite. Did you eat?" Hilde smiled, "It doesn't even matter if I did. I'm always famished." Inej's heart ached. She missed her friend. Inej wondered momentarily if she had chosen this girl for the mission, or to fill another hole in her heart. She forced herself to smile. "It's not good to sail on an empty… or well, seemingly empty stomach."

  
Inej raised her voice to be heard over the sound of the wind, "If any of you need to eat alert me and I will send the next crew up from lower deck, and you can switch places." Most of the crew raised their hands in understanding, as well as to signal their need for a break. Inej liked to believe she made a fair leader. She liked to believe they trusted her to risk their lives. She made her way towards the hidden door, which allowed entrance to lower deck, as Hilde followed at the rear.

  
**A** fter their third course, Kaz, Jesper, and Wylan finally threw their cloths on their plates. Kaz thought he might have to unbutton his pants if he planned on standing, or else the button might remove itself. He hardly indulged himself, but somehow found it easy to let himself enjoy food when he had the chance. What was the point in all the kruge if you weren't going to spend it on the good things in life?

  
That said, Kaz still found himself hoarding money and thieving things when he could. He assumed he would never give up on this aspect of his life. It was efficient, and saints, he enjoyed it. They were enjoying each others silence, either because they were too full to talk, or because they simply ran out of things to say, but Kaz found he didn’t mind being silent in the company of his old crew.  
Kaz caught himself at that last thought and wondered when he'd learn to be around anyone in comfortable silence. His wraith was the only person he could sit with in companionable silence, and not ache to be alone with his thoughts. It never felt like silence when he was around her. It felt like they were still communicating. Somehow telling each other how they felt, or what was going on in their minds, without so much as breathing a word to each other. He hadn't thought he could feel comfortable in silence with anyone else. It startled him when he realized how many people he'd let into his life since their initial journey to the ice court. He hadn't meant to let them in, and sometimes he still tried to shut them out. He realized a long time ago there was no point in shutting them out, as they refused to let him. He found comfort in pretending he couldn’t push them away even if he tried.

  
The more he learned about himself, the harder it became to shut his mind off to the demons circulating in his every thought. He assumed some of this inability to distract himself was due to becoming bored with his current lifestyle. Some part of him missed clawing his way to success. There was excitement in every corner when he was a lieutenant. The thrill of doing exactly what Per Haskell told him not to do, picking locks and breaking into merchers homes, just to move a few objects around and ensure they never felt comfortable in their own homes again.

  
Now most of his days were spent trying to run the Crow Club, fix up the slat, stop thinking about Inej, train his crew to be of some worth so they wouldn’t run the slat into the ground if he left, stop thinking about his demons, consider burning the slat to the ground and migrating to another place to start all over again, stop thinking about Inej, spend time at the Van Eck mansion and joke with Wylan about ‘falling through the floor instead of using the stairs since his leg wasn’t quite up for the journey’, and for fuck’s sake stop thinking about Inej. He thought getting rid of her would be the end of his constant distraction, but the more complacent he became the more she entered his thoughts. Every time he received a letter he was embarrassed at how quickly he ripped it open to see how close she was to his shores. He thought more and more about going with her.

  
“Be right back,” Wylan pushed himself away from the table and made his way over to the washroom. Kaz sighed and stretched his leg out, pointing his toe and trying to crack his ankle. The damn rain was making his leg unbearable. The rain also brought humidity, and that was unbearable enough. The drinking glasses on the table were accumulating moisture on the outside from the heat radiating within the small café.

  
“So, any interest in risking your life to kill a bunch of people?” Jesper asked. “Is that even a question?” Kaz retorted. “I hear there’s a lot of shady trades going down in Leflin. My da was telling me about how it’s affecting the farming sales in Novyi Zem because people are afraid to bring their money to a place that’s associated with scams and illegal activities. Which is insane, considering the Barrel somehow manages to prosper.”

  
“The Barrel has always been a place for scams and illegal activities, I think business would run dry if it became a place of solitude and good fortune. People know they can come here for a good time, so it keeps businesses above water. Novyi Zem on the other hand…. is known for it’s jurda and cows, so I don’t think people really want to risk their lives there.” Kaz tried again to crack his ankle.  
“Ok, one, I resent that. People get shot there all the time. Two, I don’t think anywhere is safe if you really think about it, so I’m not sure why people pretend that it is.” Jesper began tapping on the table, his restless energy had dried up somewhat since he began training with a Fabrikator to hone and perfect his skill. He still seemed to be filled with more energy than he knew what to do with. Most of the time he at least drummed a beat instead of senselessly drumming his fingers on the table. Wylan was always carrying some sort of tune, and Kaz thought he was beginning to pass this off onto Jesper.

  
“People pretend to be shocked when they discover how crooked the world and the people in it are because the merchers make their money off convincing us nothing bad will ever happen to us if we do the right things and surround ourselves with the right people. If everyone truly knew what was waiting in the shadows, they’d all lock their doors and never leave home, except to sprint to the nearest food stand for more supplies. Anyway, I didn’t come here to debate people’s stupidity, I do that enough in my own head. What business?” 

  
Rata-tat-tat-thump-tat, Kaz watched Jesper’s fingers thumping off the table to some rhythm he must’ve stolen from Wylan. They must spend a lot of time together. He wondered what it’d be like to spend that much time with someone you loved. He felt some pull at the center of his chest, but he couldn’t quite place the feeling. He tried coughing it away. Jesper realized Kaz was watching his fingers, and he tried to stop himself from fidgeting.

  
“By what business do you mean what amount of kruge? Because if so, then how about endless kruge. As much kruge as we can get our hands on.” Jesper looked past Kaz at Wylan coming back from the washroom.

  
“Endless kruge? What is this? Are you in debt again?” Hurt flashed across Jesper’s face before he averted his eyes from Kaz back to Wylan. “I told you I gave that up a long time ago.”  
“Everyone’s prone to slip ups.” Kaz didn’t know why he was being so cruel. His chest still felt heavy. Was he sick? Wylan sat so close to Jesper he almost sat in his lap on accident. Wylan turned pink as he planted a hand down on Jesper’s thigh to center himself. Jesper planted his hand on Wylan’s back to steady him. Wylan turned crimson. Kaz coughed another time to try and ease the tightness in his chest. What was it like to touch someone so easily? So often?

  
“This has nothing to do with me. I figured you’d want to hear about a heist that would make us even richer than we already are. Better yet, it’d be something to _do_ ,” Jesper explained. He still sounded hurt, but he had wiped the hurt look off his face. Kaz didn’t really want to deal with Jesper’s feelings right now. Jesper always seemed to have too many of them, it wasn’t truly Kaz’s fault it was so easy to hurt them.

  
Damn this cough. He tried again. “You’re aware of this plan?” Wylan looked up from studying his fingernails. “What, the trip to the Wandering Isle? Yeah, I think intercepting whatever funds are being transferred, as well as decreasing crime in local areas would help da’s sales.” Kaz tried not to make a face at Wylan calling Jesper’s father “da”. Kaz wondered what Inej’s father was doing these days. They were as hard to catch up with as Inej was. Never staying in one place, occasionally sending him letters, or small gifts in the mail.  
“Plus, I haven’t worked on demolitions since I blew up my father’s favourite things in the backyard.” Wylan smiled, blushed, and looked at the ground. He seemed ashamed regarding how much pleasure it must’ve brought him to rid of any evidence that his father used to live in the home.

  
Kaz adjusted his gloves, pulling the fabric down and drawing the soft interior closer to the skin of his fingers. He felt so uncomfortable. He loosened his tie slightly. “How is this going to earn us money, exactly?” He inquired.

  
“Are you ok?” Wylan asked, brow furrowing in concern. “I’m hot.” Kaz stated. “Take your gloves off, or maybe the fourteen shirts that you’re wearing.” Kaz took a sip of water, and glared at Wylan before responding. “I’m fine. It’s just humid in here. This place can be insufferable in the summer.” Kaz gestured to the streets outside when he said ‘this place’.

  
“Kruge,” Kaz prompted.

 

“Well,” Jesper and Wylan began at the same time, Wylan waved for Jesper to continue. “Well,” Jesper repeated, “People are exchanging money for goods, illegal goods. That takes a lot of money. A lot of pocket money. If we can interrupt the sales, we can save people’s lives. I know, gross, but we could also take the money that wasn’t able to be spent because, unfortunately, the people with the money keep mysteriously dying, and use it for ourselves.”

  
“So we’re going to travel to the middle of nowhere, stand around killing people for no reason, just because there’s nothing better to do?” Kaz asked. “Well we’re probably going to do other stuff along the way. I hear the Wandering Isle has a great countryside that smells less like urine than the barrel does.” Jesper remarked.

  
Kaz let out a gravelly chuckle. “I’ve grown accustomed to the smell of urine. I spent enough time with you, and in the slat, to find the smell to be somewhat of a comfort.” Jesper squinted at Kaz, “You find my presence comforting, or the smell of my urine, because I’ll take either, but I prefer a clarification?” Kaz waved his hand airily, “Just the urine smell, don’t make it weird.” Wylan grimaced at their conversation and adjusted Jesper’s suspender strap, it had somehow twisted at his shoulder. Kaz pushed his chair back and grabbed his cane, “I need some air. Thanks for paying.” Kaz stood and straightened his coat jacket, then began to make his way towards the door. Wylan started laughing, “Next time we invite you anywhere we’re going to get up and leave in the middle of the meal, so you get stuck with the bill,” Wylan called out after Kaz. Kaz didn’t respond. He had to get some air, and maybe see a medik. What was wrong with him?

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I haven't read King of Scars yet, so if there are any "spoilers" it was completely unintentional.

**T** he storm was raging above deck as the crew sat around trying to busy themselves to stay alert. They’d docked in another section of Novyi Zem to allow the storm to pass before they could make the rest of the trip to Leflin. Inej thought they’d make it further than they did, but they were closer to Weddle than Leflin.

Some of her crew were playing various card games, and the shuffling of cards made her think of Kaz. She wondered what he was doing. She sent him a letter before the storm hit. It mostly contained different stories about her travels that she thought he’d appreciate. Such as the slavers she’d already brought down along the way, as well as some information she’d gained about happenings in the world. Especially if the information would affect the Barrel. She’d learned that the Fjerdans and Ravkans were still at war, which wasn’t a surprise to anyone, but that a certain Ravkan witch who could raise the dead was causing quite an uproar between the two countries. Some of Ravka’s and Fjerda’s inhabitants were looking to seek refuge and were heading towards Ketterdam. She wondered if they knew how likely it was they would be in more danger in the Barrel than in their own countries, but at least it would bring Kaz profit. She thought of how naïve Matthias had been at times, and she wondered if a lot of Fjerdans were that naive. They’d all die from horror when they arrived at the Barrel, if the gangs didn’t kill them first.

She figured Kaz would laugh when he read the note. She wanted to write more. _I miss you, I think about you all the time, do you think about me?_ She knew he was never going to be the type to write her lengthy love letters. She’d just feel exposed and embarrassed knowing she shared her feelings, and that Kaz more than likely wouldn’t reciprocate. There were things she was just going to have to settle for if she wanted to be with him. He was a good man to her, and he showed her he loved her by his actions. By remembering things about her she mentioned in offhand statements years ago. By wanting to know her inside and out and ensuring she always knew he was listening and hoarding these facts for himself. She didn’t need more.

Many boys will bring you flowers. But someday you'll meet a boy who will learn your favourite flower, your favourite song, your favourite sweet. And even if he is too poor to give you any of them, it won't matter because he will have taken the time to know you as no one else does. Only that boy earns your heart.

Sometimes Kaz surprised her, and he’d let out little confessions of his love for her in the early morning. When his pillow muffled his voice, and every word he croaked out was rock against stone. He’d softly tell her he wanted to lie there for five more minutes, limbs nearly touching, breath intermingling. He’d close his eyes and let her see him at his weakest. When his face was soft and clear of any of the stoic emptiness he tried to uphold when he was around others. When he was asleep, and he’d unknowingly throw an arm around her.

It used to scare her when it first happened. She would stiffen when she could feel his chest against her back. She lay there, eyes blown wide, waiting for a hand to touch her that she couldn’t say no to. It used to make her want to leave his bed to go lay in a bed that only she occupied. She could control what happened when she was the only one in bed. However, his breathing would remain even, and eventually she’d close her eyes and try to match her breathing with his and would fall asleep. Once she’d woken up half on top of him, and something about the exchange must’ve deeply upset him. She’d woken up when he was trying to bring himself back from a panic attack. The air in the room was frigid since they’d left a window open, and goosebumps covered her arms. Her skin was cold against his. She tried not to make him explain what was wrong. When she moved off him he’d heaved a sigh of relief. That was when she stopped becoming afraid when his chest hit her back, when he threw a leg over her in the night, because she knew he wasn’t aware of what he was doing. She knew he wouldn’t reach out and touch her without her permission if he was awake and aware. It helped her continue sleeping next to him. To know she still had the control to say no. That maybe even if she froze and couldn’t get the words to come out, that he’d wake up and move away. That two of the most dangerous people in Ketterdam were two of the sorriest souls.

“Inej, you want to gamble?” Lihua called out. She had come to Inej’s crew after leaving Shu Han to come to Ketterdam for refuge. Her family had been close to the Yul-Bo’s, and they’d been tortured for information before a parem sick soldier had gunned down her mother in front of her. Although her reason for joining the crew was very different than Inej’s reason, the drive was the same. Take down the people who hurt the innocent. Protect the innocent from the pain they’ll never be able to overcome.

“I’m not much of a gambler,” Inej replied, twirling one of her blades. Lihua was impressive with a multitude of weapons. However, her favourite weapons were a series of star shaped throwing knives she hid in various places inside her clothing, and in secret compartments of her bodice. Inej enjoyed having another fighter in her crew that also preferred small weapons as opposed to guns and powers. She always felt others put their guard down around a small weapon and were more likely to be felled before they knew what hit them. She thought it was a great metaphor for how she took people down.

“You don’t have to be any good. We’re not betting any money. We’re just having fun.” Inej made her way over to the table to join in. She only knew some facts about gambling from being inside the Crow Club when she was taking care of duties Kaz had bestowed upon her. Kaz had talked her through a couple games of Rukker, but she never had enough interest to risk her money away when she was trying to pay her indenture and get out of the slat.

Lihua shuffled the deck sloppily, and began dispensing 7 cards to each player.  She then put the leftover deck face down in the middle of the table and pulled one card from the top that she placed on the table face up. Inej tried to remember what Kaz told her about Rukker. “It’s been a while since we made a bust and took down some slaver trash. I can’t wait to set foot in Leflin. I want to see the looks on the faces of those skivs when I slash a hole in their face to match the hole in their souls.” Lihua threw a card into the discard pile and picked another one up. She looked at Stefanik on her left to signal it was her turn to go.

“I’m looking forward to testing my powers on the first slaver I see. I’m convinced I’ve perfected making men lose control of all of their functions at once,” Dominika stated, with a smile on her face. Lihua laughed, “That’s not even a power. You’ve always been good at that.” Dominika threw her head back and laughed. She then looked at Lihua, “Why waste my energy on my powers when I can make men weak without even trying? They make it so easy to woo them, considering they act as if they’ve never seen a woman before every time they cross another one. Always gawking. They’re despicable. Their downfall will be because of their own ignorance.”

Stef looked at Inej, she had been a drink server in the Crow Club before coming to join Inej in her adventures at sea. Since she worked for Kaz, she didn’t have to deal with the perverted acts of men while working. Kaz had Big Bolliger, before he was killed, throw every idiot out of the crow club who got handsy with his workers. _“If you want to get a feel of a girl around these parts you’ll need to make your way to one of the pleasure houses” Big Bolliger stated as he shoved a particularly drunk brute out of his seat and towards the door._ Kaz made sure he protected his employees. If they didn’t like coming to work, they wouldn’t make Per Haskell money, and in turn Kaz didn’t get any money. She didn’t think at that time it had much to do with Kaz respecting women, but she felt differently now about all those acts of kindness.

Stef had a past before working at the Crow Club that meant many stints in jail, and a multitude of tattoos across her skin that had since been burned off. Inej thought it was severe to burn your tattoos off, so she assumed whatever Stef had been through had been worth scorching the evidence from her skin. Stef and Inej agreed that some men were good, and some men were animals. It was hard for them to despise the entire gender when they knew some of them were worth saving. Stef had a boyfriend back home who seemed to be decent enough. Stef never really talked about him much.

“I’m just excited to get those girls out of there. To help them find their families, or to give them the option to join us if they’d like. We lost two good members last time, and I’m hoping we’ll be able to add to our crew. It’s getting hard for me to assign breaks for you with a shorter crew, and I don’t want to run us into the ground.” Inej discarded, but she didn’t know if she was supposed to, and picked up another card.

“Yeah,” Stef added, “It’d be nice to have more people on our side since it seems like the slavers are growing in numbers since they’ve learned they’re bound to be attacked by a bunch of crazy girls on a ship with a crow flag.” Stef smirked after making mention of the crow flag. She knew it’d be awfully suspicious when she docked in Leflin, especially with the crow flag. But her best trick was hiding in plain sight, so she didn’t much care.

Inej felt the corner of her mouth rising and tried to cover it up by pursing her lips. “Maybe they shouldn’t mess with crows, they have a great memory,” Inej responded. _And they don’t have any manners_ , she thought and smiled.

Lihua leaned forward and tried to peer at Hilde’s cards while Hilde smacked the cards to her bosom and sent a magnificent glare towards Lihua. Inej loved her crew. She loved these girls, and she’d do anything for them. She knew she was getting too attached considering the dangerous situations all of them placed themselves into every time they docked, and made their way across the lands. She shouldn’t have gotten attached to any of the people she cared about, but the saints had a funny way of bringing people into your life that were meant to be there. Even if she only knew these girls for a short while, they’d already changed her. The sound of thunder had stopped long ago, and she was ready to get the ship heading back towards their destination. They had a mission to do. These girls with nothing to lose had so much to save and protect. They didn’t have enough time. Even if indentures were becoming illegal, it didn’t stop them from happening. It didn’t save anyone. Inej would find a way to save the nobodies and the nothings. The invisible girls. They were all invisible girls. And because of that, no one would see them coming.

 

**K** az felt better since getting away from Jesper and Wylan. He still wasn’t sure what happened to him at the restaurant, but he was done dwelling on it. He tucked it away with the rest of the aspects of his personality he’d worry about when he retired and had nothing else to do. He didn’t have time to focus on what was going on in his head. If he was going to have a stroke or die of some ailment, he’d rather it just hurry up and happen, because he had other things to do. So he avoided the mediks and hoped he didn’t die.

_Mediks. Jordie._

Kaz visibly shook his head, and then smoothed back his hair. He’d have to cut it soon, considering the sides needed shaved, and it was getting longer in the back than he usually liked. In the mornings when his hair hung loose, he had to hold it back so he wouldn’t spit in it as he spit out his paste and water. He’d been lazy about his appearance, which was unlike him. He felt overly preoccupied recently. With what he wasn’t sure, but he was tired of feeling distracted. Maybe he did need to see a medik.

_Jordie_.

Kaz thumped a particularly hard step with his cane. He was currently making his way across town to check on the Crow Club. He’d taken his gloves off and placed them in his pocket, since he had no plans of stopping to talk to anyone. He figured he might as well try to cool off. It was impossibly hot this time of year, and for some reason everyone was trying to sell hot brews with clumps of cinnamon dropped inside them to slowly dissolve as you sipped. Kaz never liked the drinks, as they made his throat itchy and constricted.

He felt a presence behind him. He immediately tightened his grip on his cane but continued moving at the same pace. It’d been a while since he got in a good street fight, and he was kind of looking forward to it. Something to distract him. For a minute he wished he hadn’t taken his gloves off, but he thought he might be fine without them. He willed himself to be fine without them. They were just in his pocket if he could hit his opponent hard enough to distr-

“Mr. Brekker,” A familiar voice stated as Mr. Crimson fell into step beside Kaz. He glanced sideways at the person in the mask and tried to make out some feature that would tell Kaz who was following him. “I don’t think I’m supposed to talk to strangers.” Kaz responded.

“Ah, yes, it’s always a good idea to be wary of others.” The stranger replied. Kaz knew he recognized that voice… “And even better to be wary of those you do know. Strangers aren’t much of an issue if you’re a good shot, but phew, the people you know? Well that’s just a risk by itself.”

Kaz sighed, “Ah, but what’s worse is those of royal blood. They just can never seem to manage on their own.” Mister Crimson adjusted his hat, “It’s even worse when they’re of royal blood and a friend, now that’s asking for trouble. Good thing neither one of us have much of the latter anymore. It protects us from whatever ills friendship can bring.”

Kaz adjusted his hat as well. Sturmhond must be roasting in that costume.  He laughed despite himself, “What business?” Kaz inquired. “The simple things in life. Chocolate, a fine bit of kruge, a nice place to sleep at night” Kaz turned right to make his way towards the entrance of the Crow Club. “Care to talk somewhere private?” Sturmhond shifted right to match Kaz’s pace, “Indeed.”

Rotty opened the door as Kaz approached, and cast Kaz a quick glance to ensure he was supposed to let the strange masked figure in. “He’s harmless,” Kaz replied. Rotty opened the door wide for Sturmhond to enter as well. “I mean I wouldn’t say harmless, that’s insulting, but thank you. Pleasantries all the same.”

Kaz entered a hallway that stated ‘washrooms to the right’, and followed the hallway down to a door marked for cleaning supplies. “Oh, Mister Brekker, I didn’t think you’d try to take me to the broom closet so soon. We haven’t even had our first date yet.”

Kaz picked the lock to the door for something to do, and thrust the door open. Kaz entered first. “And you can’t even open the door for me? I’ve never. This is truly unheard of.” Kaz lit a match and sat at his desk. Inside, there were chairs on opposite corners of the room on the other side of the desk. Kaz pointed to the chair at the farthest corner from the desk so he didn’t have to stare at Sturmhonds face while he talked to him. Kaz also wanted to stretch his leg out under the desk and didn’t want to worry about bumping toes with Sturmhond. He didn’t want to hear the jokes that’d burst out of Sturmhonds mouth.

“What business,” Kaz repeated as the door closed behind Sturmhond. “Not one for foreplay I guess. Ok, fine. I assume you heard about the trouble in Fjerda and Ravka. Civil wars rising out of one, turmoil and death in its wake.” Kaz shrugged, he’d heard murmurs and whispers about the issue, and he’d been seeing a lot more blonde hair and blue-eyed customers in Ketterdam. “And?” Kaz prompted.

“And, I’m enlisting in some help should I need it. I hear you made out ok after your last heist, you know, since I was there. I figured if I needed a hand I’d be able to ask your crew and you for some assistance.” Kaz didn’t have much of a crew left to offer, considering Nina and Inej were off saints knows where in possibly separate parts of the world.

“Depends, what do you have to offer?” Kaz sat back in his chair and cracked his knuckles. A habit he’d acquired when he began wearing his gloves less. Sturmhond shed the hat and mask of the Mister Crimson costume, face damp with sweat.

“And after all I’ve done for you? Betting money I don’t have, finding your girls parents. What about I offer to be in your debt so the next time you need my help I help you out, and then we do that indefinitely until one of us dies.” Sturmhond extended his hand to grab the water on Kaz’s desk and dumped it over himself.

Kaz gave Sturmhond an odd look, “That sounds like friendship. I thought we agreed we don’t engage in civilities such as that anymore. I’ve been approached about two odd deals today, and one of them is offering kruge. Which option do you really think I’m going to take?” Kaz appreciated Sturmhond finding Inej’s parents, but that had been part of the deal. He didn’t owe him anything.

Sturmhond offered the glass to Kaz, which he waved off. Sturmhond set the glass on the edge of the table. “What venture were you offered? Maybe it’s more fun than my adventure and I can just join you instead. It’d be less of a headache.”

“Don’t worry your head about it.” It wasn’t even worth explaining to Sturmhond, it didn’t have much of a point. But he was so damned bored. He needed a distraction, and he never passed up kruge. But he wasn’t much interested in Fjerda or Ravka, and he wasn’t sure why the king needed his help.

“Look, Mister Brekker, you have a lot of influence here in Ketterdam. You have a lot of influence in other places that don’t make any sense because word travels fast. Kuwei has been working on an antidote, but things aren’t going as quickly as we had hoped. Ravka is in trouble, Fjerda is a mess, and I’m trying to fix one, and take over the other, and honestly, I’m not even sure which one I’m talking about in regards to either statement. I’m working with Nina and that’s helping, but she seems to think you may be needed at some point. She said you’re good at planning. I know from my own experience you’re good at planning. I’m good at planning. I think this may be a good fit.”

Kaz placed his fingertips together and looked off into the distance. Sturmhond adjusted the way he was sitting in the chair. “Are you having a moment?” Sturmhond asked. “Alright,” Kaz responded. “Alright you’re having a moment, or alright you’ll help me?” “I’ll help you,” Kaz started, “But I want kruge.”

“Yes, yes, of course. I will make sure I pay you, so you can pretend it was a job instead of you lending your time and energy to help a friend.” Kaz was gaining too many friends. He needed to get rid of some of them. “A lot of kruge.” Sturmhond extended his hand, “I doubt I’ll have much to offer at the end of all of this, but the deal is the deal.” Kaz made to reach for his gloves in his coat pocket, but it’d be too obvious now. He’d just have to go for it. “The deal is the deal,” he agreed as he clasped hands with Sturmhond. He shivered involuntarily and dropped Sturmhond’s hand. He was doing better each time he made himself shake hands without his gloves. It was a small step, but it was huge one for him.

“However, I won’t be in Ketterdam when you need me. I plan on taking leave. I’m sure you can find me if you need.” Sturmhond eyed Kaz warily, “I mean I hope so, or this deal was a big waste of time, but I’m sure word will get around of where you are.” Kaz nodded, he had too many friends and had become too popular. He was shocked he was becoming bored, as more people should be coming after him. Maybe they were biding their time. He couldn’t wait until they struck the courage to come find him. But for now, he needed a bath. Then, he needed to prepare for his leave. Something about The Wandering Isles sounded like a good reason to get out of the barrel. He was growing tired of everything around him. And it would be easy money. Also, maybe he’d find some of Rollins ancestors and ruin their lives as well while he was at it. Kaz made his leave, and several minutes after, he heard Sturmhond exiting the room as well.

 

**I** nej and her crew were preparing to anchor down near Leflin. The sun had finally come out, and the crew was feeling optimistic about the adventure they were about to embark on. She knew it would take them a while to deal with the amount of turmoil that was occurring throughout the land, but she was prepared for the long stay. Then, maybe, she would choose a spot a little closer to Ketterdam so she could see Kaz for a few days before she took off again. It had been about two months since they’d seen each other, and she was feeling homesick for the place she never truly considered home.

Stef and Lihua were adjusting their sails appropriately to prepare for anchor. Hilde and Lin were assisting with the process. The Wraith was a beautiful sight, but she was a lot of work to control. Inej thought it was fitting, considering her purpose and her captain. She was a gift from Kaz that Inej had never expected. Kaz wasn’t one for giving gifts, and he had gifted her with the only three things that meant anything to her, her parents, her ship, and her freedom. She owed him her life, but she supposed she had done a pretty good job of paying him back when she nearly died on several of his last missions.

The Wandering Isle was within view, and Inej could see luscious green grass waiting ahead of them. She wondered if she had visited the Wandering Isle as a child. The scenery looked familiar to her, but she couldn’t quite place it. The ship docked a short time later, and the crew stood waiting for further instruction from Inej. They had docked East of the shipping yard, so no one would grow suspicious about their arrival. Close enough to the dock to keep onlookers from asking questions, but far away enough that the slavers wouldn’t be prepared for the attack.

Inej looked out at the crew of girls she had and wished she had come up with a familiar saying for them all. _No mourners, no funerals_. She wasn’t much for giving speeches either, but she supposed she had to say something. “I know the mission set before us is dangerous, but as the Suli would say, we are made to create peace and we will leave nothing but civility behind.” Inej looked around at the faces, “And we will release those captured from their homes back to their families.”

“Otherwise, we make it our duty to make them comfortable here with us, sharing in our mission to rid the world of the tortures every one of us, our families, our friends, have had to face. We will make those who choose to hurt others know what it’s like to never be able to leave the horrors behind. To fear every person on the street is going to hurt you again. We will never let them forget. And if we can’t make them change, we take the choice away from them forever. We do what we must. For the invisible girls, the nothings and the nobodies.” The girls tilted their chins higher. Inej supposed that was enough of a saying. “For the supposed nothings, and the nobodies. The invisible girls.” The girls repeated the phrase back to her with looks of determination replacing complacency.

Inej nodded, and began to do one last weapons check to ensure all of her knives were in place. Sankt Petyr on her right, another gift from Kaz, Sankta Alina on her left hand, her thigh straps appeared to be in order, praise sankta Marya and Anastasia.

  _They were in a hurry and didn’t have time to do a weapons check. Inej began furiously grabbing her knives and strapping them into place. She lifted her leg to prepare for when she’d snap her knives into their straps against her thighs. Kaz grabbed the knives, and carefully slid Sankta Marya and then Anastasia into their places as she shuffled on her feet to switch legs for him. He was kneeling at her feet, and she felt herself blush. His hand lingered on her right strap, and he let out a soft breath of air before standing and beginning to put on his gloves. She rushed to strap the rest of her knives on. She thought it was somewhat unnecessary he had helped her, as it didn’t take long to ensure her knives were in place. That didn’t stop her from wanting him to do it again, to have him linger between her thighs for a little while longer. To-_

“Inej?” Dominika approached Inej and handed her a warmer jacket to cover her. The Wandering Isle was prone to rainfall, and she didn’t want to be soaked and freezing before she had a chance to attack anyone. Dominika was a Corporalki, and came to Inej after Nina had suggested her. She was an excellent heartrender, and often dropped opponents before they had any idea she was near. Inej had also brought Galina, Dominika’s sister, into the crew after deciding it’d be a good idea for her to have a healer in her crew. Often Galina and Dominika worked together and did what they could to help others after the battle was cleared and the damage was done. Inej was lucky to have both girls. Both had been part of the ongoing fight between Ravka and Fjerda and were a couple years older than Inej. She appreciated their help, even though she thought they felt some guilt about leaving their countries, just as Fjerda’s defenses were weakening. Galina had explained she’d done her part fighting for her country, and now wanted to fight for the women she’d seen oppressed along the way. As Nina had explained, working with Genya had made them understand they needed to be on alert and ready to protect themselves, and both girls were magnificent at it. Inej took the coat and threw her arms into the sleeves. “Let’s go.” Inej began disembarking the ship with everyone else.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Written pre-King of Scars - Spoiler free

**A** s the crew sat around trying to busy themselves into wakefulness, the storm was raging above deck. They’d docked in another section of Novyi Zem to allow the storm to pass before they could make the rest of the trip to Leflin. Inej thought they’d make it further than they did, but they were closer to Weddle than Leflin.

Some of the crew were playing various card games, and the shuffling of cards made her think of Kaz. She wondered what he was doing. She had sent him a letter before the storm hit. It mostly contained different ramblings about her travels that she thought he’d appreciate. Such as the slavers she’d already brought down along the way, as well as information she’d gained about happenings in the world. Especially if the information would affect the Barrel. She tried her best to remain his spider even though she was no longer residing in the barrel. She’d learned that the Fjerdans and Ravkans were still at war, which wasn’t a surprise to anyone, but that a certain Ravkan witch who could raise the dead was causing quite an uproar between the two countries. Some of Ravka’s and Fjerda’s inhabitants were looking to seek refuge and were heading towards Ketterdam. She wondered if they knew how likely it was they would be in more danger in the Barrel than in their own countries, but at least it would bring Kaz profit. She thought of how naïve Matthias had been at times, and she wondered if a lot of Fjerdans were that naive. They’d all die from horror when they arrived at the Barrel, if the gangs didn’t kill them first.

She figured Kaz would laugh when he read the note. She wanted to write more. _I miss you. I think about you all the time. Do you think about me?_ She knew he was never going to be the type to write her lengthy love letters. She’d just feel exposed and embarrassed knowing she shared her feelings, and that Kaz more than likely wouldn’t reciprocate. There were things she was just going to have to settle for if she wanted to be with him. He was a good man to her, and he showed her he loved her by his actions. By remembering things about her she mentioned in offhand statements years ago. By wanting to know her inside and out and ensuring she always knew he was listening and hoarding these facts for himself. She didn’t need more. _Many boys will bring you flowers. But someday you'll meet a boy who will learn your favourite flower, your favourite song, your favourite sweet. And even if he is too poor to give you any of them, it won't matter because he will have taken the time to know you as no one else does. Only that boy earns your heart._ Sometimes Kaz surprised her, and he’d let out little confessions of his love for her in the early morning. When his pillow muffled his voice, and every word he croaked out was rock against stone. He’d softly tell her he wanted to lie there for five more minutes, limbs nearly touching, breath intermingling. He’d close his eyes and let her see him at his weakest. When his face was soft and clear of any of the stoic emptiness he tried to uphold when he was around others. When he was asleep, and he’d unknowingly throw an arm around her. It used to scare her when it first happened. She would stiffen when she could feel his chest against her back. She lay there, eyes blown wide, waiting for a hand to touch her that she couldn’t say no to. It used to make her want to leave his bed to go lay in a bed that only she occupied. She could control what happened when she was the only one in bed. However, his breathing would remain even, and eventually she’d close her eyes and try to match her breathing with his and would fall asleep.

Once she’d woken up half on top of him, and something about the exchange must’ve deeply upset him. She’d woken up when he was trying to bring himself back from a panic attack. The air in the room was frigid since they’d left a window open, and goosebumps covered her arms. Her skin was cold against his. She tried not to make him explain what was wrong. When she moved off him he’d heaved a sigh of relief. That was when she stopped becoming afraid when his chest hit her back, when he threw a leg over her in the night, because she knew he wasn’t aware of what he was doing. She knew he wouldn’t reach out and touch her without her permission if he was awake and aware. It helped her continue sleeping next to him. To know she still had the control to say no. That maybe, even if she froze and couldn’t get the words to come out, that he’d wake up and move away. That two of the most dangerous people in Ketterdam were two of the sorriest souls.

“Inej, you want to gamble?” Lihua called out. She had come to Inej’s crew after leaving Shu Han to come to Ketterdam for refuge. Her family had been close to the Yul-Bo’s, and they’d been tortured for information before a parem sick soldier had gunned down her mother in front of her. Although her reason for joining the crew was very different than Inej’s reason, the drive was the same. Take down the people who hurt the innocent. Protect the innocent from the pain they’ll never be able to overcome. “I’m not much of a gambler,” Inej replied, twirling one of her blades. Lihua was impressive with a multitude of weapons. However, her favourite were a series of star shaped throwing knives she hid in various places inside her clothing, and in secret compartments of her bodice. Inej enjoyed having another fighter in her crew that also preferred small weapons as opposed to guns and powers. She always felt others put their guard down around a small weapon and were more likely to be felled before they knew what hit them. She thought it was a great metaphor for how she took people down. “You don’t have to be any good. We’re not betting any money. We’re just having fun.” Inej made her way over to the table to join in. She only knew some facts about gambling from being inside the Crow Club when she was taking care of duties Kaz had bestowed upon her. Kaz had talked her through a couple games of Rukker, but she never had enough interest to risk her money away when she was trying to pay her indenture and get out of the slat.

Lihua shuffled the deck sloppily, and began dispensing 7 cards to each player. She then put the leftover deck face down in the middle of the table and pulled one card from the top that she placed on the table face up. Inej tried to remember what Kaz told her about Rukker. “Its been a while since we made a bust and took down some slaver trash. I can’t wait to set foot in Leflin. I want to see the looks on the faces of those skivs when I slash a hole in their face to match the hole in their souls.” Lihua threw a card into the discard pile and picked another one up. She looked at Stefanik on her left to signal it was her turn to go. “I’m looking forward to testing my powers on the first slaver I see. I’m convinced I’ve perfected making men lose control of all of their functions at once,” Dominika stated, with a smile on her face. Lihua laughed, “That’s not even a power. You’ve always been good at that.” Dominika threw her head back and laughed. She then looked at Lihua, “Why waste my energy on my powers when I can make men weak without even trying? They make it so easy to woo them, considering they act as if they’ve never seen a woman before every time they cross another one. Always gawking. They’re despicable. Their downfall will be because of their own ignorance.” Stef looked at Inej, she had been a drink server in the Crow Club before coming to join Inej in her adventures at sea. Since she worked for Kaz, she didn’t have to deal with the perverted acts of men while working. Kaz had Big Bolliger, before he was killed, throw every idiot out of the crow club who got handsy with his workers. “If you want to get a feel of a girl around these parts you’ll need to make your way to one of the pleasure houses” Big Bolliger stated as he shoved a particularly drunk brute out of his seat and towards the door. Kaz made sure he protected his employees. If they didn’t like coming to work, they wouldn’t make Per Haskell money, and in turn Kaz didn’t get any money. She didn’t think at that time it had much to do with Kaz respecting women, but she felt differently now about all those acts of kindness.

Stef had a past before working at the Crow Club that meant many stints in jail, and a multitude of tattoos across her skin that had since been burned off. Inej thought it was severe to burn your tattoos off, so she assumed whatever Stef had been through had been worth scorching the evidence from her skin. Stef and Inej agreed that some men were good, and some men were animals. It was hard for them to despise the entire gender when they knew some of them were worth saving. Stef had a boyfriend back home who seemed to be decent enough. Stef never really talked about him much. “I’m just excited to get those girls out of there. To help them find their families, or to give them the option to join us if they’d like. We lost two good members last time, and I’m hoping we’ll be able to add to our crew. It’s getting hard for me to assign breaks for you with a shorter crew, and I don’t want to run us into the ground.” Inej discarded, but she didn’t know if she was supposed to, and picked up another card. “Yeah,” Stef added, “It’d be nice to have more people on our side since it seems like the slavers are growing in numbers since they’ve learned they’re bound to be attacked by a bunch of crazy girls on a ship with a crow flag.” Stef smirked after making mention of the crow flag. She knew it’d be awfully suspicious when she docked in Leflin, especially with the crow flag. But her best trick was hiding in plain sight, so she didn’t much care. Inej felt the corner of her mouth rising and tried to cover it up by pursing her lips. “Maybe they shouldn’t mess with crows, they have a great memory,” Inej responded. _And they don’t have any manners_ , she thought and smiled. Lihua leaned forward and tried to peer at Hilde’s cards while Hilde smacked the cards to her bosom and sent a magnificent glare towards Lihua. Inej loved her crew. She loved these girls, and she’d do anything for them. She knew she was getting too attached considering the dangerous situations all of them placed themselves into every time they docked, and made their way across the lands. She shouldn’t have gotten attached to any of the people she cared about, but the saints had a funny way of bringing people into your life that were meant to be there. Even if she only knew these girls for a short while, they’d already changed her.

The sound of thunder had stopped long ago, and she was ready to get the ship heading back towards their destination. They had a mission to do. These girls with nothing to lose had so much to save and protect. They didn’t have enough time. Even if indentures were becoming illegal, it didn’t stop them from happening. It didn’t save anyone. Inej would find a way to save the nobodies and the nothings. The invisible girls. They were all invisible girls. And because of that, no one would see them coming.

 **K** az felt better since getting away from Jesper and Wylan. He still wasn’t sure what happened to him at the restaurant, but he was done dwelling on it. He tucked it away with the rest of the aspects of his personality he’d worry about when he retired and had nothing else to do. He didn’t have time to focus on what was going on in his head. If he was going to have a stroke or die of some ailment, he’d rather it just hurry up and happen, because he had other things to do. So he avoided the mediks and hoped he didn’t die. _Mediks. Jordie._ Kaz visibly shook his head, and then smoothed back his hair. He’d have to cut it soon, considering the sides needed shaved, and it was getting longer in the back than he usually liked. In the mornings when his hair hung loose, he had to hold it back so he wouldn’t spit in it as he spit out his paste and water. He’d been lazy about his appearance, which was unlike him. He felt overly preoccupied recently. With what he wasn’t sure, but he was tired of feeling distracted. Maybe he did need to see a medik. _Jordie._ Kaz thumped a particularly hard step with his cane. He was currently making his way across town to check on the Crow Club. He’d taken his gloves off and placed them in his pocket, since he had no plans of stopping to talk to anyone. He figured he might as well try to cool off. It was impossibly hot this time of year, and for some reason everyone was trying to sell hot brews with clumps of cinnamon dropped inside them to slowly dissolve as you sipped. Kaz never liked the drinks, as they made his throat itchy and constricted. He felt a presence behind him. He immediately tightened his grip on his cane but continued moving at the same pace. It’d been a while since he got in a good street fight, and he was kind of looking forward to it. Something to distract him. For a minute he wished he hadn’t taken his gloves off, but he thought he might be fine without them. He willed himself to be fine without them. They were just in his pocket if he could hit his opponent hard enough to distr-

“Mr. Brekker,” A familiar voice stated as Mr. Crimson fell into step beside Kaz. He glanced sideways at the person in the mask and tried to make out some feature that would tell Kaz who was following him. “I don’t think I’m supposed to talk to strangers.” Kaz responded. “Ah, yes, it’s always a good idea to be wary of others.” The stranger replied. Kaz knew he recognized that voice… “And even better to be wary of those you do know. Strangers aren’t much of an issue if you’re a good shot, but phew, the people you know? Well that’s just a risk by itself.” Kaz sighed, “Ah, but what’s worse is those of royal blood. They just can never seem to manage on their own.”

Mister Crimson adjusted his hat, “It’s even worse when they’re of royal blood and a friend, now that’s asking for trouble. Good thing neither one of us have much of the latter anymore. It protects us from whatever ills friendship can bring.” Kaz adjusted his hat as well. Sturmhond must be roasting in that costume. He laughed despite himself, “What business?” Kaz inquired. “The simple things in life. Chocolate, a fine bit of kruge, a nice place to sleep at night” Kaz turned right to make his way towards the entrance of the Crow Club. “Care to talk somewhere private?” Sturmhond shifted right to match Kaz’s pace, “Indeed.”

Rotty opened the door as Kaz approached, and cast Kaz a quick glance to ensure he was supposed to let the strange masked figure in. “He’s harmless,” Kaz replied. Rotty opened the door wide for Sturmhond to enter as well. “I mean I wouldn’t say harmless, that’s insulting, but thank you. Pleasantries all the same.” Kaz entered a hallway that stated ‘washrooms to the right’, and followed the hallway down to a door marked for cleaning supplies. “Oh, Mister Brekker, I didn’t think you’d try to take me to the broom closet so soon. We haven’t even had our first date yet.” Kaz picked the lock to the door for something to do, and thrust the door open. Kaz entered first. “And you can’t even open the door for me? I’ve never. This is truly unheard of.” Kaz lit a match and sat at his desk. Inside, there were chairs on opposite corners of the room on the other side of the desk. Kaz pointed to the chair at the farthest corner from the desk so he didn’t have to stare at Sturmhonds face while he talked to him. Kaz also wanted to stretch his leg out under the desk and didn’t want to worry about bumping toes with Sturmhond. He didn’t want to hear the jokes that’d burst out of Sturmhonds mouth.

“What business,” Kaz repeated as the door closed behind Sturmhond. “Not one for foreplay I guess. Ok, fine. I assume you heard about the trouble in Fjerda and Ravka. Civil wars rising out of one, turmoil and death in its wake.” Kaz shrugged, he’d heard murmurs and whispers about the issue, and he’d been seeing a lot more blonde hair and blue-eyed customers in Ketterdam. “And?” Kaz prompted. “And, I’m enlisting in some help should I need it. I hear you made out ok after your last heist, you know, since I was there. I figured if I needed a hand I’d be able to ask your crew and you for some assistance.” Kaz didn’t have much of a crew left to offer, considering Nina and Inej were off saints knows where in possibly separate parts of the world. “Depends, what do you have to offer?” Kaz sat back in his chair and cracked his knuckles. A habit he’d acquired when he began wearing his gloves less. Sturmhond shed the hat and mask of the Mister Crimson costume, face damp with sweat. “And after all I’ve done for you? Betting money I don’t have, finding your girls parents. What about I offer to be in your debt so the next time you need my help I help you out, and then we do that indefinitely until one of us dies.” Sturmhond extended his hand to grab the water on Kaz’s desk and dumped it over himself.

Kaz gave Sturmhond an odd look, “That sounds like friendship. I thought we agreed we don’t engage in civilities such as that anymore. I’ve been approached about two odd deals today, and one of them is offering kruge. Which option do you really think I’m going to take?” Kaz appreciated Sturmhond finding Inej’s parents, but that had been part of the deal. He didn’t owe him anything. Sturmhond offered the glass to Kaz, which he waved off. Sturmhond set the glass on the edge of the table. “What venture were you offered? Maybe it’s more fun than my adventure and I can just join you instead. It’d be less of a headache.” “Don’t worry your head about it,” Kaz sighed. It wasn’t even worth explaining to Sturmhond, it didn’t have much of a point. But he was so damned bored. He needed a distraction, and he never passed up kruge. But he wasn’t much interested in Fjerda or Ravka, and he wasn’t sure why the king needed his help. “Look, Mister Brekker, you have a lot of influence here in Ketterdam. You have a lot of influence in other places that don’t make any sense because word travels fast. Kuwei has been working on an antidote, but things aren’t going as quickly as we had hoped. Ravka is in trouble, Fjerda is a mess, and I’m trying to fix one, and take over the other, and honestly, I’m not even sure which one I’m talking about in regards to either statement. I’m working with Nina and that’s helping, but she seems to think you may be needed at some point. She said you’re good at planning. I know from my own experience you’re good at planning. I’m good at planning. I think this may be a good fit.” Kaz placed his fingertips together and looked off into the distance, pondering... 

“Are you having a moment?” Sturmhond asked. “Alright,” Kaz responded. “Alright you’re having a moment, or alright you’ll help me?” “I’ll help you,” Kaz started, “But I want kruge.” “Yes, yes, of course. I will make sure I pay you, so you can pretend it was a job instead of you lending your time and energy to help a friend.” Kaz was gaining too many friends. He needed to get rid of some of them. “A lot of kruge.” Sturmhond extended his hand, “I doubt I’ll have much to offer at the end of all of this, but the deal is the deal.” Kaz made to reach for his gloves in his coat pocket, but it’d be too obvious now. He’d just have to go for it. “The deal is the deal,” he agreed as he clasped hands with Sturmhond. He shivered involuntarily and dropped Sturmhond’s hand. He was doing better each time he made himself shake hands without his gloves. It was a small step, but it was huge one for him. “However, I won’t be in Ketterdam when you need me. I plan on taking leave. I’m sure you can find me if you need.” Sturmhond eyed Kaz warily, “I mean I hope so, or this deal was a big waste of time, but I’m sure word will get around of where you are.”

Kaz nodded, he had too many friends and had become too popular. He was shocked he was becoming bored, as more people should be coming after him. Maybe they were biding their time. He couldn’t wait until they struck the courage to come find him. But for now, he needed a bath. Then, he needed to prepare for his leave. Something about The Wandering Isles sounded like a good reason to get out of the barrel. He was growing tired of everything around him. And it would be easy money. Also, maybe he’d find some of Rollins ancestors and ruin their lives as well while he was at it. Kaz made his leave, and several minutes after, he heard Sturmhond exiting the room as well.

 **I** nej and her crew were preparing to anchor down near Leflin. The sun had finally come out, and the crew was feeling optimistic about the adventure they were about to embark on. She knew it would take them a while to deal with the amount of turmoil that was occurring throughout the land, but she was prepared for the long stay. Then, maybe, she would choose a spot a little closer to Ketterdam so she could see Kaz for a few days before she took off again. It had been about two months since they’d seen each other, and she was feeling homesick for the place she never truly considered home.

Stef and Lihua were adjusting their sails appropriately to prepare for anchor. Hilde and Lin were assisting with the process. The Wraith was a beautiful sight, but she was a lot of work to control. Inej thought it was fitting, considering her purpose and her captain. She was a gift from Kaz that Inej had never expected. Kaz wasn’t one for giving gifts, and he had gifted her with the only three things that meant anything to her, her parents, her ship, and her freedom. She owed him her life, but she supposed she had done a pretty good job of paying him back when she nearly died on several of his last missions. The Wandering Isle was within view, and Inej could see luscious green grass waiting ahead of them. She wondered if she had visited the Wandering Isle as a child. The scenery looked familiar to her, but she couldn’t quite place it. The ship docked a short time later, and the crew stood waiting for further instruction from Inej. They had docked East of the shipping yard, so no one would grow suspicious about their arrival. Close enough to the dock to keep onlookers from asking questions, but far away enough that the slavers wouldn’t be prepared for the attack.

Inej looked out at the crew of girls she had and wished she had come up with a familiar saying for them all. _No mourners, no funerals._ She wasn’t much for giving speeches either, but she supposed she had to say something. “I know the mission set before us is dangerous, but as the Suli would say, we are made to create peace and we will leave nothing but civility behind.” Inej looked around at the faces, “And we will release those captured from their homes back to their families.” “Otherwise, we make it our duty to make them comfortable here with us, sharing in our mission to rid the world of the tortures every one of us, our families, our friends, have had to face. We will make those who choose to hurt others know what it’s like to never be able to leave the horrors behind. To fear every person on the street is going to hurt you again. We will never let them forget. And if we can’t make them change, we take the choice away from them forever. We do what we must. For the invisible girls, the nothings and the nobodies.” The girls tilted their chins higher. Inej supposed that was enough of a saying. “For the supposed nothings, and the nobodies. The invisible girls.” The girls repeated the phrase back to her with looks of determination replacing complacency. Inej nodded, and began to do one last weapons check to ensure all of her knives were in place. Sankt Petyr on her right, another gift from Kaz, Sankta Alina on her left hand, her thigh straps appeared to be in order, praise sankta Marya and Anastasia.....

_They were in a hurry and didn’t have time to do a weapons check. Inej began furiously grabbing her knives and strapping them into place. She lifted her leg to prepare for when she’d snap her knives into their straps against her thighs. Kaz grabbed the knives, and carefully slid Sankta Marya and then Anastasia into their places as she shuffled on her feet to switch legs for him. He was kneeling at her feet, and she felt herself blush. His hand lingered on her right strap, and he let out a soft breath of air before standing and beginning to put on his gloves. She rushed to strap the rest of her knives on. She thought it was somewhat unnecessary he had helped her, as it didn’t take long to ensure her knives were in place. That didn’t stop her from wanting him to do it again, to have him linger between her thighs for a little while longer. To-_

“Inej?” Dominika approached Inej and handed her a warmer jacket to cover her. The Wandering Isle was prone to rainfall, and she didn’t want to be soaked and freezing before she had a chance to attack anyone. Dominika was a Corporalki, and came to Inej after Nina had suggested her. She was an excellent heartrender, and often dropped opponents before they had any idea she was near. Inej had also brought Galina, Dominika’s sister, into the crew after deciding it’d be a good idea for her to have a healer in her crew. Often Galina and Dominika worked together and did what they could to help others after the battle was cleared and the damage was done. Inej was lucky to have both girls. Both had been part of the ongoing fight between Ravka and Fjerda and were a couple years older than Inej. She appreciated their help, even though she thought they felt some guilt about leaving their countries, just as Fjerda’s defenses were weakening. Galina had explained she’d done her part fighting for her country, and now wanted to fight for the women she’d seen oppressed along the way. As Nina had explained, working with Genya had made them understand they needed to be on alert and ready to protect themselves, and both girls were magnificent at it.

Inej took the coat and threw her arms into the sleeves. “Let’s go.” Inej began disembarking the ship with everyone else. The grass was tall and made their pant legs damp as they trampled through the roughage. She thought the grass looked pretty from the streets, but now she was just annoyed with it. Lihua began using her stars to try and cut the blades of grass down, and Inej started doing the same thing with her knives. Hilde took out her longer blade that had a strange curve to the end, and began easily slicing the blades of grass. Inej could make out the outline of the shipping dock, and assumed she and the girls could remain hidden for the several hours left before nightfall, when the illegal indentures took place. She was ashamed when she noticed she was hungry for the fight. She didn’t consider herself revenge driven, but she’d do anything to protect someone from suffering her fate. Sometimes she’d give anything to feel comfortable letting Kaz hold her without feeling like she was back in her silks. Sometimes he’d run his fingers through her hair, and she’d immediately remember every man who had run his hands through her hair before taking whatever they could from her. If she could, she’d silence the memories in her head forever. She never wanted another girl to feel that pain. If that made her blood thirsty, then so be it.

Inej crouched and began using the grass as cover as she made her way towards a multitude of crates they could use for cover. The rest of her crew followed suit. Hilde ducked and picked up the pace until she could run and jump, using the tips of her fingers to grasp the top of one of the crates. She hoisted herself up onto the crate, and ran along the cover of the second layer in front of her. She then slid between two crates that had coverage in front, hidden from view. The rest of the crew did their best to jump and maneuver around until under cover. Inej climbed until she reached the topmost crate, and then ducked down to watch the locals below engage in local trade talk. She glared down at them. She wondered if any of them were to blame for what was about to come. For the girls that would soon be violated by their new masters, their fates sealed forever unless someone came to save them. Maybe they were innocent and knew nothing of the horrors that pass after dark. Time would tell.

Inej thought of her parents, how she missed them, but had grown accustomed to missing them. Being captured had caused her to lose what it felt like to always know your parents were there to protect you. Inej loved her parents, and she knew they loved her in return. She forgot what it was like to know she could count on them. She hated that about herself. The sunset was covering the water in a glorious orange glow, and it reminded Inej of the succulent oranges she used to pick when their caravan would stop along roadsides. She assumed her parents were making their way across some countryside; living in bliss, knowing their daughter was out making them proud. Keeping others safe. Inej obviously hid details of her adventures from her parents. She wasn’t going to tell them everything about her past and her current endeavors, but she knew if she did decide to share the stories with them someday, that they would love her all the same. Her mother had cried when she told her about working at the menagerie. Inej had worried she cried because Inej was now considered impure in her culture. She wondered if her mother was secretly relieved Inej had found Kaz.

Her mother had hugged her, and told her she only cried because she knew she couldn’t protect Inej from the things that had already happened, but she would risk her life to protect her from any of the things that tried to harm her in the future. Inej had held her mother, and then her father, and then both of them. She had spent several weeks with them before they decided to part ways, and ultimately, her parents returned to their travels. Inej took a few more weeks for Kaz and her to spend time together, and then she was gone. She spent the whole year away from Kaz, and then has spent every few months of this year away from him. She makes more stops in Ketterdam to visit, and to try to build their relationship during her stays. They only began sleeping in the same bed the past several times she stopped, and she was proud of the progression they’d made in a short time. She thought it helped that they missed each other so desperately before the reunited. It helped them put away some of the terror.

Night began to cloak the orange that had been blinding her only moments before. She looked up and started counting the stars. She loved the night. There was nothing better than running rooftops, or climbing as high as she could manage on the ship, and staring up at the stars until the need to sleep overcame her. She found solace in the quiet, and in the thought that her saints were watching her. She felt closest to her saints when it was dark and the stars were out. She never quite understood why. “Please!” Someone yelled below. Inej sank down to her stomach and pulled herself softly to the edge of her crate. There was a young girl being escorted to the docks. The man to her left was pulling her blindfold taught into her mouth so she couldn’t talk. Inej felt a rush of fury. She felt hot all over.

The girl walked until she met another man, and a woman. “This is the first one of the night. See if she is to your liking, and if she isn’t, then let’s move on with it. This will take hours if we’re not hasty.” The man’s voice was higher than Inej expected. The girl looked no older than 10. Inej felt sick. She began scaling backwards in a reverse army crawl until she reached the edge of the crate. She softly jumped down to the next layer, where she landed beside Dominika. She pulled two knives from her wristbands, and then made her way to the edge of the crates. She had to make it before the examination process began. Dominika jumped up as well, light as a feather. All of the girls came out from their hiding spots and waited. Inej signaled for them to wait. There were apparently a lot of girls for them to get to, and she had no idea where they were being kept. She couldn’t blow it, but she wasn’t going to wait for every girl to come out and be violated before she tried to take down the slavers. There had to be a house they were kept in, but she didn’t want to risk them being moved before she could locate them.

Inej paused for a moment and tried to calm the blood pounding in her ears. She couldn’t get emotionally involved, or she would put them all at risk. Three men and a woman were nothing, but they would become something if there were a house filled with slavers waiting nearby. And you could never be sure who was using parem or not. She decided the best option was to save one slaver, use them to get to the other nearby girls. She held up one finger to the girls, and then held up 3 fingers, and took the finger across her throat to signal she wanted to keep one alive. The girls nodded in acknowledgement, and then Inej took a running start, and flipped in the air until she landed in between the girl, and the girls would be captor. There was a shocked expression across the men’s faces, and then Inej extended both arms and punctured both men’s jugulars before they had time to react. Inej quickly prayed for forgiveness, and pulled the knives out. Blood splattered on the front of her. Inej back flipped and wrapped her legs around the other man’s neck. She shoved both of her knives into his eyes. Hilde came out from her hiding place, and grabbed the woman by the arms. Hilde forcefully shoved the woman’s arms behind her back and tied them expertly with rope. She shred a piece of the woman’s scarf with her sword, and used it to gag the woman.

Lihua had the wherewithal to pull the gag back over the girl’s eyes after Inej stabbed the first two men. The purpose of rescuing the girl was to keep her from being traumatized, not to add to it. Hilde ripped another piece of the woman’s scarf off and tied it around her eyes. Inej pulled her knives from the man’s cornea’s as he screamed. “Be quiet, you pathetic skiv.” The man whimpered. Lihua led the child away from the scene in case things got ugly. She removed the girl’s blindfold. “What’s your name?” Lihua whispered to the little girl. “Irina,” the girl answered. “Alright, Irina, you’re going to run to my friend over there, her name is Galina.” Irina nodded, and began running towards Galina. Galina opened her arms, and caught Irina as she jumped. Galina was a delicate thing. Skinny, but tall, and her tan skin was a stark contrast compared to the little girls pale skin. Galina would stay with the girls as they were rescued, and then she would be there to assist if anyone became injured.

“Where are they?” Inej asked. When the man didn’t respond fast enough for her liking, she again yelled, “Where are they?” She placed the edge of her knife on the man’s conjunctiva. The longer he took to answer the deeper she shoved the knife. “Alright! Alright!” He exclaimed. He really was being a big baby, Inej thought. “Take us directly to them, or I’ll cut your tongue out and feed the pieces to you.” Inej hoped her saints would forgive this act of ruthlessness. She just needed to help the girls. “We need to go north. It’s a white house with green shutters. There’s a pot of gold on the sign in front of the home. Lihua had returned and grabbed hold of the slavers hands that Hilde must’ve tied behind his back in her absence. Hilde was currently holding onto the woman, and then shoved her to the ground as Inej and Lihua began walking north. Hilde took out her knife and considered plunging it into the woman’s back, but it was hard to tell who was still human, and who had lost their sense of humanity in the business. She hesitated for a moment, and then shoved the woman into the water below.

Inej and Lihua were too distracted to notice. Hilde assumed if the woman had anything left to give, she would find her way to safety by help of the saints. “That’s no way for a girl with a saint’s name to act,” her mother had scolded her. The last time she had scolded her. Hilde wished for more opportunities to do the right thing, but she’d never have another opportunity again. She rushed to catch up with the other two girls. Inej, Hilde, Lihua, eventually Dominika and the rest of the capable crew, made there way north. They arrived near a white house with green shutters, and there was a pot of gold on the sign in front. Inej drew her knives, Dominika tried to count how many people were inside, Hilde drew her sword, Vicki and a multitude of the other girls readied their guns, and Lihua readied her ninja stars. Inej wanted to maim the slaver, but she had to wait to make sure this wasn’t a trap. As they approached the door, she grew more wary. It seemed too quiet inside for there to be a multitude of girls on the inside.

Inej started to get a bad feeling, when the door blew open. Lihua threw her star as if she was cracking a whip, but it didn’t appear to make contact with anything. Lihua waited, and then heard a gunshot. Lihua looked around to make sure no one was hit. Everyone was looking back at her. She felt tightness in her shoulder, a strange burning sensation in her back. She saw red staining her shirt, and Inej was yelling something at all of them. Inej began running for cover. Lihua couldn’t hear anything over someone screaming in her ear, or was that ringing? She stood frozen. Hilde entered her line of sight and began dragging her by the arms, following in Inej’s footsteps. The ground shook beneath them. She felt like she was running in air, and then everything went white.


End file.
